April 19, 1998
(Cycle day 1)
I started Lupron (.1cc) twice a day. Here we go!
April 29, 1998
(Cycle day 11)
I had my appointment with the RE today. They tested my E2 which was 12. I also asked them to do some immunology testing. With my blood disorder (ITP) I’m afraid that my body will reject the embryos when they get transferred. They normally don’t do immunology testing until you have had 3 failed IVF’s but I thought it was silly to wait until you had a failure. It’s a simple blood test so I’m not sure why they don’t do it automatically. They also did a sperm count on my husband. Results: [22 million (over 20 is good), motility 32% (over 50% is good), swim 2+ (1-3 is good), normal form 8% (over 30% is good)]
May 3, 1998
(Cycle day 15)
Insomnia started today. It’s a normal side effect but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. I’m also feeling kind of drugged. Now I know first hand why they say you’re “loopy on Lupron”.
May 6, 1998
(Cycle day 18)
I started cramping today and had a slight discharge. I’m really hating Lupron these days. I can’t wait to start the stimulation drugs!
May 7, 1998
(Cycle day 19)
I got my immunology test results today. Both my Anti-Cardio Lipin and Lupus Anti-Coagulant tests were NEGATIVE! YIPPEE! This means I have a great chance at the embryos implanting.
May 8, 1998
(Cycle day 20)
FINALLY! I started Fertinex today (150iu twice daily) and decreased my Lupron (.1 cc once daily). I can’t believe he started me off at 4 vials of Fertinex a day. I only took 2 vials a day when I did IUI. Then again I didn’t do Lupron with IUI so who’s knows. It’s great to finally be doing my stims. Makes me feel like we’re making progress.
May 13, 1998
(Cycle day 25 – day 6 stims)
I had my ultrasound today to check my follicle development. As I feared, 4 vials of Fertinex a day was too much – I responded too fast. I had 19 follicles ranging from 12 to 8. My uterine lining was 12.4 and my E2 was 940. The doctor feels my follicles have developed too quickly and were too large for this early in the cycle. He’s going to keep me on Lupron but discontinue Fertinex. I’m devastated. I know we’re not out of the game but it’s disappointing to have to start over again. Back to square one!
May 20, 1998
(Cycle day 32)
I met with the RE today to recheck my E2. It’s still too high – 143. I’m supposed to continue Lupron and recheck my E2 in a week. This is so disappointing. I admit that I was a little naive and thought that this would be easier. I was so confident that IVF would work. I’m not giving up hope I’m just feeling really depressed.
May 26, 1998
(Cycle day 1)
After 37 days, I finally got another period. Back to cycle day 1! We retested my E2 today and it was still too high – 50. Will it ever go back down? I’m supposed to continue Lupron – oh joy! This makes 38 days on Lupron and I’m feeling nuts! “Loopy on Lupron” is a mild description. I’m forgetting the simplest of things. My husband is starting to get really annoyed with me. I’m not sure he understands just how much my body is going through – I’m not sure I even understand it myself.
May 27, 1998
(Cycle day 2)
I had another appointment today and ultrasound. The unthinkable happened – my follicles on the left side have more than doubled in size and are now over 19. I’m going to be on Lupron for the rest of my life! Same old same – recheck in one week. If I haven’t down regulated by next week they are going to cancel my cycle. They aren’t accepting any more women into this session after next week. The clinic works in sessions and then takes a break between sessions. Their next session will be in July. ARGH!
June 1, 1998
(Cycle day 7 – day 1 stims)
Well, I mustered up every ounce of hope and excitement I could before going to my appointment today and I marched into the doctor’s office and told the nurse that there was no way that she could give me bad news on my anniversary and she didn’t!!! All of the follicles have shrunk and I started Fertinex again (2 vials daily). They have decided to recheck me in 3 days instead of 5 since we had to terminate our last attempt. I can’t believe it! Today was the last day to “save the cycle” and I made it – this has got to be a good sign – not to mention that it is our 2 year anniversary! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!
June 4, 1998
(Cycle day 10 – day 4 stims)
What a roller coaster! First I was too high, now I’m too low. My E2 level was only 79. They aren’t too worried about it because this is just day 4 of stimulation. The nurse said that it is far better to have a low E2 than a high one because they can always give you more stimulation. She said that I could still progress with a low E2 but that it would take longer. I had 8 follicles on the right (largest a 9) and 12 follicles on the left (largest an 8.5). I had no measurable lining. It’s getting harder and harder to remain positive. I’m trying because I know a positive attitude is better. If it weren’t for the women on the IVF board I think I would have lost my sanity a long time ago!
June 7, 1998
(Cycle day 13 – day 7 stims)
The RE said everything looks “great” and they are keeping me on 2 vials of Fertinex a day. I had 8 follicles on the right (13, 12.5, 10.5 and 5<10) and 9 follicles on the left (11.5, 10, and 7<10). My lining was 9 and my E2 was 186. I’m excited that we are moving forward but I wish I had more follicles.
June 9, 1998
(Cycle day 15 – day 9 stims)
Everything looked good. I had 7 follicles on the right (16.5, 12.5, 10.5, 10, 9.5, 9.5 and 9) and 16 on the left (14, 12.5, 9.5, 11, 11, and 11<10). My lining was 11.6 and my E2 was 365. They had originally hoped that the egg retrieval would be Friday or Saturday but I’m progressing a little slower than they had anticipated so the retrieval will probably be Sunday or Monday. I’m feeling a lot better about the cycle. I like that my follicles are increasing in number and size. Just maybe I’ll have enough to freeze. We can’t do another fresh cycle but we could find the money for a frozen cycle. The pessimist – always planning for what will be if things don’t work out!
June 10, 1998
(Cycle day 16 – day 10 stims)
I lost quite a few follicles. I didn’t know that was possible! I only have 4 on the right (20, 14.5, 9, and 9) and 7 on the left (16.5, 12, 10.5, 10.5, 9, 8.5, and 8) My lining was 12 and my E2 was 538. I’m so upset that I lost so many follicles. Now it looks like we wouldn’t have any to freeze. The RE said that they are now learning that the higher the number of eggs that you produce the lower the quality. Somehow that didn’t make me feel any better. How can anyone stay positive after all these disappointments. I know it could be worse. I guess the rollercoaster is just getting the better of me!
June 11, 1998
(Cycle day 17 – day 11 stims)
I had 9 follicles on the right (21, 16, 12, 10.5 and 5<10) and 7 on the left (18, 12, 11.5 11.5, 10.5,10.5 and 10). My lining was 11.8 and my E2 was 632. It looks like we’re a go for retrieval on Sunday or Monday. Finally, something to be excited about!
June 12, 1998
(Cycle day 18 – day 12 stims & HCG trigger)
I had 7 follicles on the right (25, 18, 17, 15, 14, 10.5 and 8) and 9 on the left (20, 13.5, 12, 12, 11.5 and 4<10). My lining was 11.2 and my E2 was 1081. The RE thinks I have 7 eggs that are ready and hopes that some of the smaller ones will mature. They told me to take my HCG shot and stop Lupron. I go in tomorrow to get my pre-op instructions. Pre-op instructions? Can you believe it?!?!?!?
June 13, 1998
(Cycle day 19)
I have been incredibly sick to my stomach and I haven’t been sleeping more than an hour at a time because I am so uncomfortable. I never expected my ovaries to be so sore. Guess I should have figured it out. We are asking them to go above and beyond the call of duty! I went to the RE and my E2 was 1772. They told me not to eat or drink anything after mid-night last night so that they could draw blood to grow the embryos in. It was pretty exciting going through all of the pre-op and then again I was pretty numb. It is just so hard to believe after all of our disappointments that we are finally here and getting the pre-op work done! You work for years and years to try and have a child and it finally comes to a head – the retrieval. Tomorrow’s retrieval will make or break us. What if they don’t get any eggs? What if they get eggs but they aren’t mature? What if they can’t fertilize my eggs? What if? What if? How is anyone supposed to get pregnant with all this stress? LOL
June 14, 1998
(Cycle day 20)
“RETRIEVAL DAY”
I think I slept all of 20 minutes last night. I got to the clinic around 9:30am for a retrieval at 10:30am. I was sooo nervous – I thought my heart would pound out of my chest. When we got to the clinic, they took my husband to do “his thing” and they took me back to start my IV and get me dressed in the “height of fashion” hospital gown. After we met the anesthesiologist, they started the first of three shots to relax me. They had to use ALL three before I finally relaxed. Told you I was nervous! LOL They wheeled me into the OR and put on all of the heart monitors and an oxygen tube under my nose. They started my sedative and I was out like a light! Who said this wouldn’t be fun? LOL The next thing I remember I was lying in the recovery room and nurses were standing over me checking my vitals. The RE came in and told me that they got 7 great eggs. I’m not sure if it was the sedative or what but I freaked out when I heard I only had 7 eggs. Now we know we won’t have enough to freeze. The RE assured me that they were great looking eggs but I was still disappointed. After a couple of hours they let me go home. I spent the rest of the day lying around the house. I had a lot of cramping but I took the pain medicine that they gave me and it helped tremendously. Now we get to wait 24 hrs to see if any of the eggs fertilized.
June 15, 1998
(Cycle day 21)
The news was pretty good. Out of 7 eggs, we had 5 that were mature enough to try ICSI. Out of the 5, 4 made it to the 2 cell stage. That was a lot better than I was expecting. I’m still feeling crampy today so I just laid around. Can’t wait to hear if they make it through the night. It’s an incredible feeling knowing that I have 4 little embryos sitting at the lab. Up until today I never knew if I was even capable of fertilizing eggs. We’ve made it past another hurdle!
June 16, 1998
(Cycle day 22)
They all made it!!!!! We now have 4 – 4 cell embryos! I am so excited I can hardly stand it. The transfer is scheduled for tomorrow. The nurse told me that after they insert the catheter into my cervix, they will do an abdominal ultrasound and find the thickest point of my uterus and then guide the catheter to that point. I can’t believe tomorrow is the day! The big “T”!
June 17, 1998
(Cycle day 23)
Transfer Day
Everything went great! I got the clinic at 10:00am for an 11:00am transfer. I was the last of three to receive a transfer today. Only 3 of the embryos made it through the night which made our decision of whether to transfer 3 or 4 easier! LOL As you can see from the background on this page they are beautiful (as far as embryos are concerned!). One had 8 cells and was perfect, one had 7 cells with fragmentation and one had 6 cells with fragmentation. They couldn’t really explain to me what fragmentation was but they described it as being like cutting a piece of cake. The crumbs are cake but not part of the whole piece.
They did assisted hatching on all 3 and then transferred all of them. The embryologist examined the catheter and cervical wash to make sure that the embryos didn’t get stuck along the way. Then I was told to lay there for 15 minutes and go home. I spent the rest of day in bed. I had some cramping but nothing major. My mood…. well, I bounce from knowing it will work to knowing it won’t – hence the rollercoaster!
June 19, 1998
(Cycle day 25 – 2 days post transfer)
I’m still cramping and uncomfortable so I spent the day in bed. Emotionally I’m feeling pretty confident. My husband has been so wonderful. Every night before we go to bed he will kiss my stomach three times (one for each embryo) and tells them how much they are loved. It sounds corny but it helps us keep motivated!
June 22, 1998
(Cycle day 28 – 5 days post transfer)
I started feeling really sick to my stomach and had lots of pelvic pain. I called the nurse and she said that it could be implantation pains. I can’t believe she said that. I’ve already got my hopes up and then she says that. What if it doesn’t work. We can’t afford to do this again. I’m just afraid that all my hopes are going to go crashing to the ground if we get a negative.
June 25, 1998
(Cycle day 31 – 8 days post trasnfer)
I had one of those “there’s no way I’m pregnant” days. I guess that’s par for the course because the day before I was convinced that I was pregnant. Ah, the rollercoaster of infertility and I’m sitting in the front row! This waiting is killing me. Part of me is dying to know and the other half doesn’t want to know. The part that doesn’t want to know figures as long as you don’t know there is still hope. Afterall, hope is the only thing that gets you through IVF and other infertility treatments.
June 27, 1998
(Cycle day 33 – 10 days post transfer)
I am hurting something fierce and it feels like the period from h*ll is just around the corner. I have got a really bad feeling about being pregnant. I am trying to stay positive and hope for the best but it is getting harder and harder. I haven’t hurt this bad since the retrieval. Two more days – how will I survive two more days?
June 28, 1998
(Cycle day 34 – 11 days post transfer)
I committed the cardinal sin of the IVF world – I took a home pregnancy test. I couldn’t believe my eyes – it was POSITIVE! There was definitely a second line! I was so nervous I couldn’t quit shaking or crying. Could it possibly mean that I am pregnant? Can you imagine my devastation if it’s a false positive? It’s funny, if I am pregnant, this isn’t at all how I pictured myself feeling/reacting. I thought I would be bouncing off the walls screaming with joy but instead I’m overcome with this incredible fear. I’m not sure if the fear is coming from the fact that I took the test early and it could be wrong or if it is because it could be right. I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember. After all of those years of heartache, I just never thought I would ever see the day when I got a positive pregnancy test.
June 29, 1998
(Cycle day 35 – 12 days post transfer)
It is official – I am going to be a MOMMY!!!! I still feel like I am in a dream world! The nurse said my beta is great – 161. Of course being new to this I’m worried about that number being too low. The doctor wants me to retest in two days to see if my numbers are doubling. And I thought the worrying would end today – ha!
August 1, 1998
(Cycle day 37 – 14 days post transfer)
I went in for my repeat blood test and it was a whopping 466! Woohoo! I’m well on my way to a healthy pregnancy!
To continue this story, please jump over to my 1998 Pregnancy Journal (yes I journal everything LOL)