April 22, 2003
Cycle day 24 – Lupron day 1
Yippee! I finally started Lupron today! I’m taking 0.1ml twice a day and go see Dr. Riggall in a week. I can’t believe we’re on our way again! It’s so exciting and nerve racking all at the same time!
April 23, 2003
Cycle day 25 – Lupron day 4
Day two on Lupron and thankfully no side effects. I have a feeling the side effects will hit when I’m on the road back home this weekend. Just my luck to be stuck in a car for 10 hours with three kids, no help and hormonal on Lupron! Let’s just hope that the hormonal surge doesn’t hit until I get home! LOL
April 28, 2003
Cycle day 1 – Lupron day 9
I HATE limboland! I went in for my blood draw this morning and u/s. The u/s showed a large cyst on the left ovary – ugh! DH still hasn’t gotten his blood work or semen analysis done so Dr. Riggall said he would call me with the plan as soon as he gets DH’s results. Hopefully the cyst will be gone by then and we can finally start stim drugs!!! Crossing my fingers!
May 2, 2003
Cycle day 5 – Lupron day 13
Dr. Riggall’s office called today. They want to see me on the 7th and they said hopefully we’ll start stim drugs on the 8th! YIPPEE Maybe finally we can get started! Crossing my fingers! I got the results from DH’s sperm analysis. It was his best count ever – 80.4 million and 60% motility! Hoping that’s a good sign!
May 6, 2003
Cycle day 9 – Lupron day 17
I have an appointment with Dr. Riggall tomorrow to check my cyst. Please oh please let my cyst be gone so I can FINALLY start stims!!!!
May 7, 2003
Cycle day 10 – Lupron day 18
Here we go! The u/s went great – no more cyst! My lining was 7 and I had approximately 11 follicles all measuring under 9mm. I’m starting stims tomorrow! YIPPEE! I’ll do 150iu in the morning and 75iu at night and then see him again on the 13th. Just out of curiosity I asked him what my day 3 levels were. He said my FSH was 7.8 and my Estradial was 31. Not sure what that means but everyone is telling me anything under 10 for FSH and anything under 50 for Estradial is good so I’ll take their word for it. Can’t believe we’re finally getting started! Seems it was forever in the making! If everything stays on track then he estimates my retrieval will be May 21st! After being on Lupron for 18 days, I’m finally getting the bad headaches and hot flashes that people talk about. I’m so glad to be decreasing my dose to .05 a day and adding stims!
May 13, 2003
Cycle day 16; Lupron day 24; Stims day 6
I REALLY forgot about the side effects from stim drugs. I think it’s a rare side effect but my shins hurt. I had forgotten about that side effect until it came back again. Youch! And I’m not even gonna talk about the Lupron headaches. By mid afternoon I’m about ready to tear my head off! Anyhow, today was my first follicle check and the RE and I got quite a shock as to how quickly my follicles are developing. I have 13 follicles total – 6 on the left (11 and 5 that were <10) and 7 on the right (14.5, 15.5, 16, 13, 13.5, 12 and 1<11). My lining was an amazing 13.7 and my E2 was 529. I’ve been taking 150iu of Gonal F in the morning and 75iu in the evening. The RE wants me to drop back to 150iu a day and get checked tomorrow. Hopefully that will slow me down a little bit. We’re estimating an retrieval of this weekend or Monday rather than next week! WOW! Can’t believe how quick it’s going! 🙂
May 14, 2003
Cycle day 17; Lupron day 25; Stims day 7
Today’s appointment went really well. I had 7 follicles on the left (13, 13.5, 11, 10, and 3<10) and 7 follicles on the right (16, 14.5, 17, 14.5, 15, 18.5, 16.5), my lining was a whopping 17 and my E2 was 965. Dr. Riggall is almost positive that my retrieval will be Monday. What luck because that is DH’s birthday!!!!!
May 15, 2003
Cycle day 18; Lupron day 26; Stims day 8
Woohoo! 19 follicles! I had 9 on each ovary: left (13.5, 13, 11, 15 and 5<10), and right (16.5, 19.5, 16.5, 19, 16.5, 17.5, 15, and 2<10). My lining went down a little to 15 and my E2 was 1324. I’ll go back tomorrow for another u/s and blood draw.
May 16, 2003
Cycle day 19; Lupron day 27; Stims day 9
I love how the daily numbers fluctuate so much. Today we only saw 15 follicles. As crammed packed as they are I can see how easy it would be for some to hide. Today’s stats were: left (14, 14, 14.5, 16.5, 11.5 and 4<10) and right (17, 17, 21.5, 21.5, 20.5 and 1<10), lining – 14.6, E2 – 2215.
May 17, 2003
Cycle day 20; Lupron day 28; Stims day 10
The cramping is sure getting more prominent! Then again my ovaries are working overtime! We saw 14 good sized follicles today. Left (13.5, 15.5, 18, 15, 18 and 9) and right (20.5, 20.5, 23.5, 19, 19.5, 18.5, 21 and 9). I can’t believe my lining is decreasing but the doctor assured me that anything over 9 was good. My lining was 12.6 and my E2 was 3550. Can’t believe we’re getting so close! Doctor told me to trigger at 6:30 and that we would have retrieval 7:00am on Monday. It just seems to have gone too fast!
May 18, 2003
Cycle day 21
I’m not quite sure why I had to do a follicle check this morning when I triggered last night but perhaps he wanted to make sure I hadn’t ovulated or something. We saw 16 follicles: left (16.5, 11, 21.5, 16, 16, 16, 17.5, 12 and 2<10) and right (22.5, 23, 25, 21, 20 and 1<10). My lining was 12.5 and I won’t get my E2 level. I just can’t get over that TOMORROW is the day! Unbelievable! In just four short days I’ll be pregnant! Just amazing!
May 19, 2003
Cycle day 22
RETRIEVAL!
What an amazing retrieval. I was more nervous that my first retrieval which I don’t know why because it went about as smooth as it could possibly go. I did wake up towards the end and felt some discomfort but it wasn’t bad. All the time we’ve been counting 14 follicles but I guess some were hiding because we got 17 eggs!!!! John did well with his “duty” so now we begin the worries about fertilization. So far so good and John is having a wonderful birthday! I’m off to bed! 🙂
May 20, 2003
Cycle day 23
We got great news this morning! Dr. Riggall called first thing to let us know that 15 of the eggs were mature enough to ICSI and of those 12 fertilized. He did say that 4 of the fertilized eggs had “vacoules” so we’re really looking at 8 good ones. I’m so excited – 8 little embies!
May 21, 2003
Cycle day 24
More good news! The octuplets made it through the night. Two of them are a little behind but they are all 8 hanging there! Tomorrow is the big day – 12:15pm. Wish us tons of luck!!!!
May 22, 2003
Cycle day 25
TRANSFER DAY!
Today was the big day! We arrived somewhat late (last day of school) but other than that everything went well. We actually got a picture of our embryos! I can’t believe it! We got the full scoop on our embryos. They ICSI’d 15 and on the first day 12 of them fertilized. The second day another fertilized. So we really had 13 fertilized. They were all still alived today!!! Below is the breakdown:
|
Grade 1
|
Grade 2
|
Grade 3
|
|
| Fragmentation |
<10%
|
10-25%
|
25-50%
|
| 4 cells |
2
|
1
|
|
| 5 cells |
1
|
2
|
1
|
| 6 cells | |||
| 7 cells |
1
|
2
|
1
|
| 8 cells |
2
|
Dr. Riggall thought it would be best to transfer 1 seven cell and 2 eight cells and freeze 6 others. Dr. Riggall wouldn’t freeze the three that were considered grade 3. He said that with that much fragmentation they likely wouldn’t survive the thaw. The transfer went incredibly smooth. There was some mild cramping when he inserted the catheter but it wasn’t bad. He had a great view of my uterus on the ultrasound despite not having a full bladder. After the transfer they wheeled me to recovery where I laid completely flat for 15 minutes and then went home. Dr. Riggall recommends bedrest for 3-5 days so of course I’ll be doing 5 days! It doesn’t have to be complete bedrest but he wants you to take it extremely easy. With three kids I figured that would be impossible so I went for full bedrest. My beta is June 2nd so now starts the incredibly long wait!
May 25, 2003
Cycle day 28 – 3dpt
Bedrest – it ain’t as easy as it sounds! For weeks I’ve been looking forward to 5 days of no responsibilities and bedrest. Now that it’s here I’m bored stiff! Not only is it boring but my bones are starting to ache. I’m not complaining because it’s worth it for a chance to be pregnant! I have fleeting moments when I’m worried it didn’t work but 99.9% of the time I’m confident that I’m pregnant with triplets. Can you imagine me with triplets? A mom of six – now that would be a hoot! Sure do wish June 2nd would hurry up and get here and I sure hope it shows a high beta number!!!!!!
May 27, 2003
Cycle day 28 – 5dpt
I hate doubt! I’ve been so optimistic until today and then doubt set in. Every bit of my cramping went away today and even though that was normal for my successful cycles, I’m afraid the cramping won’t come back (like it did in my successful IVFs). I just want this to work soooo bad. It was funny, John hasn’t been very optimistic because he thinks we’ve tested fate enough and finds it hard to believe we would be blessed again — until today! Today he swears I’m having twins. Go figure! I just pray Saturday comes quickly (the day I’ll take the HPT) and that the HPT shows two beautiful pink lines!!!
May 30, 2003
Cycle day 31, 8dpt
Well, I couldn’t wait until Saturday! In fact I started taking HPTs 6dpt. Of course they were negative (EPT tests). A good friend on the bulletin board sent me some medical grade HPTs and, um, they showed a faint positive today!!!!!!! I got my two pink lines – even if they were extremely faint! I’m only cautiously optimistic because it took 3 hrs for the first one to show positive, the second 2 hrs and the third one a little over an hour. Granted they are turning positive faster but I sure will feel better seeing a DARK positive in the correct amount of time. I know, I know I’m never happy! LOL
May 31, 2003
Cycle day 32, 9dpt
Of course I took another test today – ok, ok two tests. I have no idea how long it took the first one to show faint positive because I went back to sleep. However, the second one only took 7 minutes to show faint positive!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes. No matter how many faint positives I see it’s still hard to believe that I may be pregnant. Gonna feel a lot better after two strong beta numbers!
I suprised John today with one of the positive HPTs. We were on our way to dinner and a movie to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary and I wrapped the HPT as a gift. I figure it’s the closest I’ll ever get to surprising him. It was great. I wish I had a video camera of his face – it was priceless! Wish me luck on Monday!
June 2, 2003
Cycle Day 34, 11dpt
Today was not the happy ending that I was hoping for. My beta was positive was the number was extremely low – 12. It’s not looking good. I asked if there was hope since it was only day 11 and Millie told me there was always hope but generally anything less than 30 isn’t viable. I’m assuming the worst because I’ve had faint positives for 4 days. There’s no way that I was showing positive 4 days ago and my number is going up – just not possible. So the number probably went as high as 40 since I had a faint positive EPT and is now dropping. I feel so sad yet not, happy yet not. This is such a horrible place to be. They always said there is no such thing as a little pregnant – you either are or you’re not. Well bullshit – I’m a little pregnant right now! I go Wednesday for a repeat but I’m expecting the worst! Pray for a miracle!
June 4, 2003
Cycle Day 36, 13dpt
Unbelievable pain! First I had to be at the lab at 7:00am to ensure that I got my results before Dr. Riggall’s office closed. Little good that did! I agonized over my fate all day. Finally when I had given up (6:45pm) the phone rings and it’s Dr. Riggall. I asked how he was doing and he said he could be doing better. I said that could only mean one thing – my numbers went down. He said it was completely negative today. He was profusely apologetic. He felt so bad for us. He was far more sympathetic this time than the negatives I have gotten in the past. Then again this is far worse than just a negative. There was something there and now it’s gone. I wish I could describe the pain I’m feeling. I know I only thought I was pregnant for 4 days but I loved that baby so much in those 4 short days. I dreamed of my delivering him/her, what I would name him/her and even what it would be like to be the mom of 4. I just can’t believe my baby has been taken from me. How could i be led to believe I was going to have a happy and healthy 9 months only to have it ripped from hands? I don’t understand. I always thought a negative would be better than an early miscarriage and I was right. This is just unimaginable pain!
June 7, 2003
Cycle day 1
I’m starting to feel better but only marginally. I visited a support group on the internet for women who have miscarried. It made me feel a lot better knowing that I wasn’t alone. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy but it was good finding people that truly understood. I think what was hurt so much is the lack of recognition that I have lost a baby even though my baby never had a heartbeat. I believe with all my being that I did indeed lose a baby. Well, my baby finally has a name – Robbie. I was looking for a unisex name since I will never know the gender. I was telling dad about how hard it was to find a unisex name that I liked. He came up with Robbie because that was granny’s name. I never though of Robbie as a unisex name but what a perfect name. I can honor her by naming my little soul after her! Perfect!